Despite its title, I’m trying to make sure this does not become a Harry Potter blog, and I intend for my next few posts, after this one, to have nothing to do with HP. (For example, I’m planning to review the final David Crowder Band album, Give Us Rest, which was released last week.) But I couldn’t resist sharing a thought I had the other day: What if every bestselling novel and series released since J.K. Rowling started writing Harry Potter was actually about Harry Potter? Here are some hypothetical synopses.
1. A Series of Unfortunate Events. The life of Neville Longbottom.
2. The Hunger Games. An account of the brawl that inevitably ensues when a meal is served at the Weasley home. First come, first served.
3. The Help. A socially conscious young woman named Hermione Granger meets two house-elves, Dobby and Winky, who will change her life forever.
4. The Shack. An allegorical story set in the ramshackle structure outside Hogsmeade where Remus Lupin (see Twilight below) can ride out his lycanthropic fits without hurting anyone.
5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Never mind, this is the one about Neville. (I love you, Neville.)
6. The Half-Giant Man with the Dragon Tattoo. Things you didn’t know about Hagrid.
7. Eragon. A spin-off series in which the tattooed half-giant’s dream comes true: he befriends a talking Norwegian Ridgeback named Norbert.
8. Percy Weasley and the Ministry Aides. Ambitious Hogwarts grads take on stacks of paperwork of Olympian proportions. Olympian.
9. Left Behind. What happens to Harry when he has to stay at school because he didn’t get his Hogsmeade permission slip signed.
10. Twilight. Nymphadora Tonks has to decide whether she wants to be with Remus Lupin or a nattily dressed vampire who looks like Cedric Diggory.